Consistently Inconsistent
How I committed to running and entered my first marathon
Standing in the starting line area of the Cape Cod Marathon on that cool October morning in 2019, you could feel the palpable energy amongst the other runners. My heart puttered in my chest as I warmed up by the Falmouth Village Green area. Amidst all the excitement, I tried my best to not let my nerves get the best of me as we waited for the race to begin.
Just to get to this point in my opinion, toeing up at the starting line, is an accomplishment in itself. To make that bold decision to run 26.2 miles and actually show up on race day is a testament to one’s courage. Here I was at 27 years old, about to embark on my first ever marathon, something that had taken me years to get to this point.
Falling Off The Running Wagon
After being an active runner from grade school all the way through high school my passion for running waned toward the end of my senior year. I attributed this to poor race performances and simply being burnt out after four years of vigorous, year-round training. While I was considering pursuing running in college the idea of having all that extra free time was just too attractive. I ended up putting running on the back-burner and chose to enjoy the freedom from the commitment that being on a collegiate team demanded.
I soon slid into a very sedentary lifestyle where I became quite inactive and engaged in poor eating habits. Growing up, I was always very skinny with low body fat, so it came as a bit of a shock when I noticed I had a little more belly while looking in the mirror the summer after my freshman year.
Then as I became of legal drinking age, my friends and I became regular patrons at the local bars where a lot of late nights took place. These nights out almost always culminated in getting fast food afterwards. It should come as no surprise that disrespecting your body like that on a regular basis will start to take its toll. Painfully aware of how unhealthy I was becoming, I began an internal struggle within myself to achieve fitness again.
The Long Road Ahead
In an effort to get back into shape I went back to the one activity I felt I knew best: running. After about two years of virtually no running whatsoever I knew I had my work cut out for me.
As anyone who’s fallen out of running shape will probably tell you, it can be grueling at first to get yourself back on the wagon. Especially those first runs where you feel a bit awkward, trying to find the right rhythm while quickly losing your breath and feeling the need to stop. Everything seems to ache as your body is starting to condition itself to be able to take on those miles. There’s simply no other way around it, the only way to get better is to stay consistent. Overtime, you’ll find your runs to feel more natural and comfortable.
In 2013, after a few months after getting back into running, my friend suggested we sign up for the NJ half marathon together. This would be the longest distance I would have covered at that point. Despite being entirely intimidated by the prospect, I felt a strong desire to take on this challenge. Feeling motivated to push myself beyond my comfort zone, I hopped onto my laptop and signed myself up. There was no going back now, I was truly in this.
Having this race to look forward to helped keep me accountable in sticking with my training as I now had a specific goal set in place. While in retrospect I realize I was probably a bit undertrained for this race, I ended up with a modest finishing time of 2:14:25. Nothing to write home about, but I felt elated as I had achieved my goal which was really just to just finish this race.
Feeling hungry for more, it was at the finish line area that the seed was planted in my head to take on the full marathon distance one day. Of course it would be another 6 years before I would actually step foot on the starting line of my first marathon.
Consistency Is Key
Throughout my early to mid 20s I found myself stuck in a recurring cycle where I would get back into running but fail to commit and stick with it long enough to see any significant improvement.
After my first half marathon I started to get lazy and my runs became too far and in between. I would go through periods of starting up with running, stay with it for a short period of time, but then fall off again for whatever excuse I managed to come up with. Whether it was school or just life in general, I let myself give up too easily time and time again. And each time I attempted to get back into it I felt like I was back at square one, which was always discouraging.
Despite my on and off again relationship with running, I had entered a few 5ks, 10ks, 15ks over the years, and even had another go at the NJ half marathon in 2017. I became inspired to take another crack at it while I was an intern for Move For Hunger, a non-profit organization that works towards reducing food waste and fighting hunger. This was done through helping organize community food drives, participating in awareness campaigns, and creating employee engagement programs.
I learned that one way they raise funds is through organizing teams that enter endurance races and set up campaigns online where individuals can send their donations. Feeling inspired, I decided to join the team participating in the New Jersey Half Marathon that year.
Now I was no longer running just for me, and I had to hold up my end of the bargain by raising at least 500 dollars in donations and compete in the half marathon. Once again having a set goal held me accountable and I was committed in following through. After a few months of many social media posts and messages to friends and family, I met my 500 dollar goal and once again crossed the finish line, this time finishing at 1:57:19.
Enough Is Enough
It wasn’t long after this event that I once again found myself slacking off with my runs and fell into the worst shape I had ever allowed myself to be in. I finally finished my undergraduate degree and was soon working a full time job, and my motivation to fit in any physical exercise was non-existent.
It got to the point where I felt like I was in a perpetual fog, always tired with frequent flares of intense anxiety. Physically, I looked bloated and unhealthy, and I became the heaviest I had ever been. Getting myself up for work on time was a struggle in itself, so the notion of trying to wake up even earlier to fit in a run seemed entirely impossible. And by the time I would get home, all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch T.V.
Summer of 2018, when I was 26 years old, was a pivotal time as this is what I consider to be when I truly began my journey to achieve fitness. I was over feeling tired and anxious all the time and I decided that I needed to make some serious lifestyle changes.
I made a promise to myself that I would not only start up with running again, but that I would actually stick with it. I knew I had made this promise to myself in the past, but this time I knew that I would be true to my word. After all, I’ve seen how the sedentary lifestyle had affected me, and it was solely my responsibility to make the proper changes.
Of course I started out slow, just going out a few times a week for short runs, which were uncomfortable to say the least. These first few outings had me feeling entirely out of shape and were borderline cruel, but nonetheless I pushed myself to finish and never ended a run regretting it. Despite the initial discomforts, I gradually began to feel like I was getting in control of my body again.
Stepping Up
Overtime, I increased my mileage and when the Autumn season rolled around I started entertaining the idea of finally entering a full marathon the following year. The New Jersey Marathon in April was about six months away at that point, which I felt would give me ample time to prepare.
However, my marathon plans ended up getting pushed back a few more months after I opted to go to New Orleans for a music festival, which happened to be on the same weekend as the NJ Marathon. While I had my heart set on doing that particular race, I rationalized that I could find another one later in the year, allowing more training time. After some online research I discovered the Cape Cod Marathon, which is held every October in Falmouth, Massachusetts.
After asking my friends if they’d be down for a long weekend away, I registered to sign up online. It was official: I was going to do my very first marathon.
Go Time
Having committed to this marathon was a huge driving force behind me sticking with my running. Because the way I see it, I had two options: show up on race day undertrained and suffer for 26.2 miles, or commit to building up endurance and actually try to have a decent race.
After many months of training, it felt surreal to finally be toeing up at the starting line. Especially after years of struggling to commit to a relationship with running. The truth is, I had allowed myself to be consumed in self doubt and fear for such a long time. Always having made excuses for myself, I had pushed off the work I knew I needed to put into myself. Regardless of the outcome of this race, the fact that I was now here proved to myself that I had come out the other side of all that uncertainty victorious.
The gun went off and I tried to remain calm, feeling confident I had put in the proper amount of work to prepare. Up until this day, I had only run up to 20 miles, so those last 6.2 miles were uncharted waters. Despite feeling good those first 20 miles, I started to lose steam at about mile 21 or 22 and hit that infamous wall you hear so much about. And at this point we were now running against very strong headwinds with some increasing rain.
My mind was flooded with thoughts of doubt and even had me questioning if I could actually finish this race. Trying to push these negative thoughts aside, I continued to trudge along, reminding myself how far I had come.
Inspiration came from a woman running next to me towards the end of the race, who seemed to be pushing herself so hard that I could faintly hear her shouting over the roar of the winds. She clearly was in a lot of pain but chose to push on, which gave me the motivation I needed to do the same. Despite not exchanging any words, I felt a bond with this stranger as we were pretty much neck and neck until the end of the race where I eventually pushed past her. After an arduous run through some aggressive weather and increasingly sore quads, I finished at 3:35:28.
Finishing this marathon gave me a new perspective, not just as a runner but as a person. For the first time in a long time I felt proud of myself for following through with a longtime aspiration. Part of why I find so much passion in running is that it is a method of self improvement. While I’m out there I feel inspiration to become a better version of myself. After the race, I immediately looked to the future for more challenges to test my abilities. What this race has taught me is that there really is no perfect time to start on improving yourself. And that with the right determination and willpower, the seemingly impossible is always within arms reach.
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