My Relationship With Running Over The Years
Why running has been such an important constant in my life
Growing up, my parents had signed me up to participate in a few different local recreation sports leagues in an effort to keep me active. These included T-ball, soccer, and basketball to name a few. Not only did I find these activities to be painfully boring and only something to be endured, but I lacked any real skill set or even a basic understanding of the rules. (I once handed the ball to the opposite team during a basketball game.)
Then finally around 1st grade, I went out for my school’s outdoor track team, which was only one of three sports available as an option to the student body. My very first event that I competed in was the 200 meter dash, a moment which awakened a new life passion.
As soon as the gun went off, I instantly fell in love with running. Although I probably could not have articulated it at that moment, there was something primal and freeing about the feeling as my little legs pumped along the track with the early Spring air rushing past me. After that race I was completely hooked.
Finally I found something that not only I thoroughly enjoyed but was pretty decent at, often placing first in the heats I competed in. And as a relatively shy and introverted child, it was nice to have something that I could genuinely feel proud of myself for that simultaneously built up my self-confidence.
I had a more natural inclination to the sprinting distances like the 100m, 200m, and 400m. Anything further I found to be excessive and kind of boring. And while I was at the Junior Varsity level, my coaches would even have me compete in some of the Varsity races. I actually looked forward to going to the meets and would feel elated every time I took home a medal.
My running endeavors continued through high school and became a major outlet as I struggled both academically and socially during this time in my life. I owe a great deal of being able to get through those four years relatively unscathed to running.
The summer going into my freshman year, I was invited by the head coach to start training with the team for the upcoming XC season. I was both excited and intimidated by this prospect. The type of running team I was used to in grade school was very relaxed and had more of a “let’s just have fun” mentality.
This was starkly in contrast to my high school’s team which took their training very seriously and had a much more no nonsense approach. My older brother had just graduated from there and also ran for the school, so I had an idea of what I was getting myself into. Their intensity made sense since the team did have a very good reputation and took home titles at the state and national level.
Freshman year was a time of change and adjustment as I navigated the waters of adolescence. I entered high school as a painfully awkward 14 year old with braces, messy hair, and low self-esteem. While I had my close group of friends outside of school (almost all of whom I am still very close to today), I mostly kept to myself, keeping my head down and making little to no effort to try and branch out to meet other people.
Then everyday after school I would meet with the team to begin practice. While it took time to adjust to a more intense training regiment than I was used to, all of my anxieties and insecurities that I carried on my shoulders all day were temporarily lifted when I was running. I largely felt invisible during the day, rarely speaking a word to anyone, but during that time after school I suddenly felt like I mattered.
I started training with the distance runners during the XC season, but once the winter rolled around the corner I exclusively trained with the sprinters for the remainder of my high school career. After a shaky Freshman year, I finally started to come into my own as a runner during my Sophomore year. I realized the 400m was my bailiwick, and I often got to compete at the Varsity level.
Looking back, I would say my high school career peaked during indoor track season that year when I got to compete in Eastern States and Nationals, running the 400 meter leg of the distance medley relay both times. During Eastern States, held at the Armory in NYC, I ran the fasted 400m time in our school’s history for Sophomores at that time. After riding a high with such a successful season, things only seemed to look up from there.
However, things started to take a turn as I suffered a strained hamstring early on during the outdoor track season. This was soon paired with the fact that I was placed on academic suspension for failing two classes after the third marking period. This meant I could still practice with the team, but I couldn’t compete until a progress report filled out by all of my teachers showed I had improved. These setbacks essentially cost me the entire season by the time both of these issues were resolved.
And while I eventually recovered from my injury and was able to compete with the team again, I started to notice that my racing performances seemed to have reached a plateau.
Over the course of my remaining two years in high school, I saw that my passion for running was slowly beginning to diminish. I still saw some success: competing in Penn Relays and making All-American while competing at Nationals. But I simply was never able to surpass my own personal records. On top of that my interests at that age were shifting towards more social endeavors, like going out with friends and drinking.
By the end of me senior year I was completely burnt out from running, and instead of going out with a bang like I had initially hoped for, it was more like an underwhelming fizzle. My relationship with running as I knew it at the time was over. And while I had the opportunity to pursue running in college, I felt like I had enough for now and instead looked forward to enjoying all the free time that would otherwise be tied up in a commitment to being on a sports team.
In retrospect this proved to be a regrettable decision, as I believe that if I had more structure and discipline that being on a team could offer, I would have found more success while at school. Instead I got lazy and quickly picked up procrastinating tendencies.
While my grades were average my first year, I transferred to another school for my sophomore year, where I got into a bad head space, sleeping for long stretches of time, and often missing classes. Assignments weren’t turned in on time, exams were were wildly underprepared for which both obviously had a rough impact on my grades.
After the second semester I ended up failing three classes which put me on academic suspension. This meant that I would have to retake the classes over the summer or fall at a local community college or wait a full year before I could reenroll. I ultimately knew I didn’t want to return so I decided to take the semester off entirely to revaluate my life.
During that fall season where I took time off from school, I one day decided to go out for a run. At that point it had been about two years since I was in decent shape, so this run did not prove to be easy. But as difficult and uncomfortable as it felt, I went out again the next day and the day after that.
Eventually I found my rhythm, and started to enjoy running again. Not only that, but I soon saw a great improvement in my moods and general well being. After entering my first half marathon with a friend, I wanted to pursue further distances and realized my passion for running had been reignited.
I’ve written about my experience of getting back into running after a long hiatus in another post, but this was something that acted as a source of comfort during a time of uncertainty. And while it took a few years to truly commit to running again, I found that I always felt the most confident and reassured as a person when I stuck with it.
Throughout my 20s I had subscribed to unhealthy habits which sought to reek havoc on my body both physically and mentally. During these times my self evaluated worth was quite low and I often wondered how I could pull myself out of this pit. But the one thing that always seemed to be a constant in my life which also brought out the best version of myself was running.
Since I have finally committed to running again, I can confidently say that I am in a much better place both mentally and physically. While our reasons for running can often be too abstract to truly articulate, I think part of why I enjoy it so much is because I become more goal oriented, choosing not to be too intimidated to take on new challenges.
For instance, I have since taken on endeavors which I had only dreamed of doing a few years ago. I can now proudly say I’ve done my first marathon at 27, my first 50 mile ultra marathon at 29 earlier this year, and I plan on running my first 100k ultra next year shortly after my 30th birthday.
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